Behind Every Cloud…
Sunday, February 18th, 2007
It’s been a long time since I last updated this blog. Was I too busy? Yes, partly…but the main reason for my absence was my valued privacy. What occurred over the last couple of months were worth telling, I know. But somehow, a part of me wants those events to just stay hidden…not for the others to know, but for me to keep. I don’t know but for some reason, I feel that if I just blurt them all out and let them be known, I unleash this negative force that would stay floating around me, teasing me, mocking me, making me even more vulnerable to everything it touches. Most of you may not understand what the hell I’m talking about, and it probably doesn’t make sense at all, so let’s just leave it at that and move on…
A lot of things happened to me
over the past months…things I would rather have be permanently deleted
from my memory bank. Oh, God knows what I would give for that option…because despite the fact that there were still some exceptionally treasured moments, there were, I should say, quite several that I preferred to have happened in
so very different ways, if only I had the choice. I had been nearly the worst person that I can possibly be in those past months…I felt an anger so strong, it almost consumed me…I thought of revenge in the worst possible kind…I harbored hatred that haunted me in my dreams, and those were only during the times when it allowed me to get some sleep…During my long silence, I fell all the way down rock bottom with a big loud thud.
You would think that you could never rise up again from the quicksand that keeps pulling you down…what, with the force of gravity joining its cause, how could you?! Hope may not really be in sight at this point because you would think that only a miracle can save you during this crucial time. Well…maybe so, but miracles still do happen…even if it may seem otherwise. I should know…because in the most unexpected time, and in the most unanticipated moment, the miracle I had hoped for and long dreamed of happened to me. It’s too good to be true that until now, I still can’t believe it’s real. But who am I to question a wonderful blessing? All I know is that today, everything fell into its proper place, and to say that I’m just happy is completely an understatement because no single word in the English dictionary can describe how I feel at this very instant. Because of this, I can honestly say that whatever happened to me during these past months is inconsequential compared to the uplift and rapture my miracle has brought me today…a perfect day that totally overshadowed bad, very horrible days all put together.
I know that with all my ramblings tonight in this blog, nothing was really said. Forgive me for my selfishness, but what exactly happened to me that prompted for this entry is something that I want to keep and treasure just for myself…at least for the time being. Perhaps a little later, but not just yet. Right now, it is suffice to say that in my life, everything is happening the way I want it to be, and I’m loving every single minute of it.
Every cloud has a silver lining after all…
And to the person I love most…you will always be that silver lining…
